We'll just know when it's right

How do you know when it's right? When it is supposed to be. I say that I know this is supposed to be. But can you ever really know that something is supposed to be.

I bet I will look back at this blog and hate that I even wrote it, and I will wish to god that I could unwrite it.

I don't know that I believe that things are predetermined. I'd like to think that when someone is trying to change the course of events within their life that is just part of plan that was already made. I believe in free will to the extent that our exercise of free will is part of the greater plan.

This is about to take a strange turn and become very off track with the original intent of this blog, but where is he? It's 1:46 am and he said he was "in the Village with Gus". Which means he is with his ex-roommate. My friend was talking to me and being very negative about this whole thing. She seems to think that all men are assholes and they just use us and that he is up to no good. I am fairly sure he is up to no good in other ways, but not in the way of being with this girl he is hanging out with... If that makes any sense at all.

I talked to his roommate's girlfriend last night and she pretty much told me that he isn't seeing anyone other than me, according to her and his roommate. And that before I moved in he cleaned the apartment and his room and was getting ready all day, and she has never seen him do that before. It seems to her that he is afraid, that he must of been hurt by some girl in the past, and that it has fucked him up. She said she talked to him the other morning while making breakfast and asked him what was going on with us and he told her that I knew he was in love with someone back home. From what she told me it pretty much sounds like she told him to get over it because it is unrealistic and it isn't going to happen. She told him that if he really feels that way that he shouldn't lead me on because I am a good girl, and she expressed to me that she thinks he must really care about me or else he wouldn't bother even having me around. Which is completely true. I think that if he had the honestly to tell me the 3rd night about her, he must have realized we had a crazy connection and was scared, and if he just wanted someone around for kicks it wouldn't be me because at this point he cares. She told me that I need to talk to him, and that I have the right to, although I want to wait until he gets back from Detroit, and I would rather right him a letter because I feel like I might cry if I try to talk.

I told her that I was scared about him going there, and she said something to the extent of "For what? What does him going there accomplish?" And she is right, I have nothing to worry about, because for now, they can never be. She is just this fantasy of what he thinks he wants, when in turn he could be afraid to face reality which is me.

I really need to write him a letter and express this, because I am real, I am here, and I am now. And I love him very much, and would love to be the one to be here for him. He needs to open his eyes and grow up, realize that, that is just a fantasy of what could never be.

Come home, cuddle, and eat cheesecake in bed with me please.
Thanks.