I'll probably feel a whole lot better when you're gone

So I'm finally taking the time to write a blog after a few days off, the reason for few days of no blogs is because the internet at the apartment I'm staying at has been messed up. Thus resulting into being unable to run away to my computer and forcing me to socialize, or something like that.

So last night I ended up hanging out with his roommates girlfriend who is a really cool girl. I think this irritated him slightly that I am befriending the people he lives with. I would probably be angry in his shoes, but it wasn't like he was making any attempt to make me feel comfortable, and I really enjoy having another girl around the house.

I will be leaving what I have deemed my Williamsburg death-trap for my new summer sublet in Alphabet City on Friday. I am having extremely mixed feelings about my departure. I really enjoy living where I am living, and oddly enough it feels like home amidst all of the "drama". I have been wondering what will happen after I leave, will I ever come back?

I have to ask that question because I am observing the state of this relationship gone awry. Was it ever even a relationship?

When he gets back to New York from Detroit next week, will he ever even call me?

Maybe that is how out of control I've allowed this to get by putting no boundaries in the first place.

Of course, I know in my right mind he will call me, and I won't be able to stop worrying until he does. That is the truth of the situation.

Somehow it always gets back to me worrying about the next time I see him, or where this is going. What if it goes nowhere? That's the great possibility I am facing.

I have been trying to be as strong as I can in my day to day life with him. I've done this the past couple of days by not really thinking about it. And even while living with him, not really associating with him at all.

Maybe that is just as unhealthy as me running away... not communicating as normal people.

Maybe I am over this, and I don't even want to be with him anymore. My mood fluctuates between that thought, and thinking that I cannot be without this person.

This is so unhealthy.

At any rate, I am probably leaving work soon. I have failed to mention I found an awesome job about 2 weeks ago at this design company that opened about 4 days before I go there. It's in the South Bronx, part of the space is for design, and the other half is still under construction and will be reheresal and recording space for bands. I manage an online store here, and it's a great artistic atmosphere. They are really doing something special for this area, and I am very happy that I get to be here from the beginning.

After this, I am supposed to be heading over to Jersey City to see a guy I went out with a few weeks ago. I met him on the street and he is a location scout for movies and t.v. The first and only other time we went out, we went to the painter Clark Fox's studio. So we'll see how this goes...