Don't think twice, it's alright

He left for the weekend and I feel so much better.

I am still in living in his apartment until tomorrow because it isn't ready for me to move into yet. However, he is in Detroit, and I am sleeping in his bed. Well, not yet because clearly I am up writing, but I WILL be sleeping in his bed.

Last night was fun, we joked around and it was nice to end my experience with him here pleasantly. There was some fear I had earlier in the week that it wouldn't end up this way. But fortunately it was a civil farewell, with me still laying bed and giving him a forced hug goodbye.

I will be very sad to see this place go, and I am fairly sure I will feel homesick. It's weird how this place could feel like home from the first night I ever came here, and how it ended up being somewhat of a home for a short period of time. I guess it just feels like home where ever I was with him. But even without him here now, I feel comfortable.

I hung out with his roommate, his girlfriend, and their friends tonight and it was nice. I am going to miss having that. I think my liking for this place is because it is a piece of his life I am heavily involved in. I am not let into many areas of his life, and this is one part that I have worked my way into. Soon the security of this will be gone, thus leaving the question of whether he will choose to continue involving me in his life, or not.

A majority of the time, I question whether he wants me around or not, and living here got rid of that question. If only for a little while because it forced me to be here, and he did not get to choose it. When he has a choice and I am not living here, I will not be around as much, and that scares me a lot.

This has become part of my life, a part that I don't know if I am ready to let go of yet, although I try to prepare myself for it as much as possible. I don't know if I can let him go yet, I don't even have him, but it's the idea I've built up so much in my head that I need to let go of.

The reality of it is, that even though it feels great with him disappearing from this city completely, that isn't going to happen. It's a definite that he will be in some part of my life, and I need to learn to cope with whatever that situation has to be.

It makes me sad that I don't know if I will ever sleep on the Batman pillow again. I have never just hung out with him and not slept here. And I don't know if that is something I can handle yet.

I want to move on from this in my correct mind so badly, because I am afraid that I will not be able to deal with the reality of him and her. If it becomes a reality. And I have enough trouble with the in between. How can I become ready to move on? Should I even move on? What am I even moving on from? Was this a situation to ever be bothered over?

I don't know.